" My painting is about how I feel ­ me feeling antsy plus all my emotions mixed together...." S.S., March 2009, san Mateo Juvenile Hall

Today I attended my first public grant panel at the SF Arts Commission. Among the proposals under consideration was the YMCA request for continued funding for art programs at Malcolm X Academy. Yes, that’s right: This morning I sat with a handful of strangers listening to four arts experts judge a variety of projects competing for commission funds, including Brush Fire’s work at our most beloved school. Can you imagine anything more nerve wracking?

I have to hand it to the panel members. They sure know their stuff. All four of them had clearly read each proposal carefully. Most of their comments were focused on passages that were inconsistent or confusing, programs that were overambitious or unoriginal, and budgets that were unrealistic or incomplete. I was especially impressed with one panelist who started out each of her comments with “I wonder if?” as if she were tossing off some casual thought only to follow with a question or comment that revealed a wealth of knowledge about after school art programs. I got myself a little worked up by the time our proposal was reviewed. The panel had been smart and thorough. What if they don’t stand behind art as a tool for healing? How would I say goodbye to Malcolm X students if we lose our funding? These thoughts tumbled across my awareness as my stomach swirled in anticipation.

We won’t know the outcome for a few weeks yet, but I’m pleased to report that the review was quite positive! They were charmed by the slide show of our kids doing art, and they had few negative comments regarding the clarity of the program design. A few of them mentioned that they really liked our reasons for the 5th grade mural. I’ll keep my fingers crossed and hope for the best!